Visit Arizona (the part where no one else goes)

While traveling the four-hour, 260 mile long desolate road from Tucson to Puerto Peñasco (otherwise known as Rocky Point), my mother and I decided to write a short tourism guide for family that would be taking this adventurous route. Thus the road to bliss and relaxation can be rocky at times.

We were on our way to Puerto Peñasco to finalize arrangements for my wedding in July, so we packed up the car with tons of water, a small suitcase each, and Loki, the Pomeranian ring-bearer. With a full tank of gas, passports and wedding paperwork in hand, we set off.

The epic journey begins on Interstate Highway 10 traveling east and then turning onto the Interstate 19 towards Nogales. Shortly thereafter, you exit west on the Old Ajo Highway 86.

The unique beauty of the Sonoran Desert surrounds you. The Catalina mountains rise up towering and blue to the east as you pass by the Tucson Mountains which surround the city to the west. Native plants abound, immediately eliminating the common belief that deserts are only sand dunes.

And with one swift glance to the left, the spell is broken by the town of Three Points where Neo-Nazis and meth labs lurk, threatening arsenals of militaristic grandeur and apocalyptic explosions. Three Points also boasts the Arizona Minutemen or vigilantes who take it upon themselves to patrol our borders, keeping us safe from exhausted, dehydrated immigrant men, women, and children who have just traveled hundreds of miles in search of a better life. How manly the Minutemen must feel hunting down these ferocious "enemies" of the state.

In the distance you see the first of two border patrol checkpoints around mile marker 145 before you get to the AZ/Mexico Border. Make sure you slow down exactly to the posted speed limit, because sheriffs can be hiding on either side patiently waiting to pull over any speed racers. Normally the officers will just wave you through while venturing south but be prepared to stop and answer questions about your travels and citizenship on the return trip.

Without any notice except an old sign we entered the nation of the Tohono O'Odam native Americans. The reservation is not considered part of the regular United States so unless you are a member of the tribe, you cannot get off the highway and drive down side streets or meander too far without permission. The land may look barren and the houses ramshackle but make no mistake, the tribe distributes large sums of money from the revenues of four massive casinos near Tucson to anyone who can prove they have one quarter native blood through the female line. Aspiring students receive full scholarships to college. Even when the economy suffers throughout the state, people are still drawn to the casinos for that almost Las Vegas style destination vacation.

If you notice a large white dome at the top of the Quinlan Mountains off to your left, rest assured, it is not an alien spaceship or government test site. You are looking at Kitt Peak Observatory which houses 22 optical telescopes and two radio telescopes, is internationally recognized, and has made several famous galactic discoveries like how spiral galaxy rotation curves provided the first indications of dark matter. Kitt Peak is open for visits by tourists and school groups (try to plan your trip when field trips are certain not to be there) and for the star gazing enthusiasts out there, special overnight stays can be arranged.

The first town large enough to place on the map is Sells. There is not much to say about Sells except that there is a Circle K in case you need gas or a drink. Moving on...

The first thing that stands out to most visitors to the state is the lush green landscape complete with trickling streams and abundant wildlife. Just kidding. Realistically they experience unbearable, searing, suffocating, open-the-oven-door, devoid of any moisture heat. Temperatures in the summer months soar over 110 degrees Fahrenheit only simmering down to the 90's at night. But the air is clean, the skies are always blue, and we have 360 days of sun. The other nine months of the year are warm and wonderful making Tucson and Phoenix top spots for "snowbirds" which are our winter residents and personas mayores (retired folks).

Arizona's iconic Saguaro cactus speckles the land on both sides of the road measuring between 40-60 feet tall, weighing between 3200-4800 pounds. They are a very slow growing cactus. A 10 year old plant might only be 1.5 inches tall. Another desert plant is the jumping cholla which appears like some sort of fuzzy, gentle plant having a number of small fuzzy branches resembling the arms of a teddy bear. But don't cuddle this prickly bear which seems to leap off and attach itself to you with silvery spines. These thorns must be combed off your skin and never seem to go away. The Arizona state tree is the mesquite, described as lime greenish brown and thorny, that sheds bean pods and grows in groves along the roadside. In the past, and now for the tourism industry, Native Americans grind the seeds into flour.

Items not native to the Sonoran Desert are the excessive amount of beer bottles strewn on both sides of the road. Unfortunately, you will also see the crosses and flowers memorializing someone who died in a car accident most likely caused by drinking and driving. Arizona has some of the strictest drunk driving laws but countless people have still lost their lives.

Highway 86 stretches out in front of you as far as the eye can see. Every now and then, a yellow sign appears warning you of Dips. Dips are brief downward slopes followed by upward ones. Not something normally needing a sign. Arizonan dips are special because during the monsoon season, these brief downward slopes become homes to the notorious flash floods, gushing walls of water that spring up without a moment's notice. Despite signs proclaiming Do Not Enter When Flooded, people and cars are swept away each year. Rescue workers can be seen on the news bravely saving a man marooned on the roof of his car amidst the white water rapids he foolishly thought his monster truck could handle. Arizona has in fact implemented the Stupid Motorist Law that states, "Any motorist who becomes stranded after driving around barricades to enter a flooded stretch of roadway may be charged for his or her rescue. The costs can be billed up to a maximum of $2000 for purposefully and foolishly placing others in danger.

You will also cross what appears to be bridges over dry rivers. Eons ago, these rivers may have had water in them, but now they only fill when it rains. Our friends from Minnesota couldn't believe their eyes and took photos of the dry river bridges to laugh about when they showed their friends back home. Monsoon rains are nothing to scoff at. In 1982, in what is referred to as the 100 year flood, an entire building was sucked into the Rillito River and the power line poles were dragged down into the Santa Cruz River while the raging waters swept over the tops of bridges. When we have them, we take our rivers very seriously.

After a long time on the straight road you will pass the town of Quijotoa and at mile marker 110....A CURVE! In your comatose state from driving in a perfectly straight line for so long don't forget to slow down so you don't go careening off the edge of the road. Do not stop or seek assistance from the nearby Deliverance-style houses; there is a cemetery for those who do. Don't despair, the speed limit increases after a while, assuming you have become accustomed to the curves and small hills.




Right about this time, many adventurers become bored and begin counting border patrol vehicles. These are white with a green stripe going down the side and come usually in the form of trucks or vans. We counted 19 total vehicles NOT including the ones at the check points.

Stay tuned for Part 2.

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