Gym of Eternal Stench

I have tried to stay positive and wait a few days or weeks before writing a rather scathing review of the gyms but I cannot resist any longer. Like a festering wound, one might have contracted at said gym, I must warn the world of the potential harm and horror of the two gyms I encountered while trying to stay fit in Shanghai.

Upon arriving at the mega mall center of Xujiahui, which crawls with a million people frantically shopping or milling about wanting to be seen "shopping," you must travel up five escalators to the fifth floor in order to get to Physical, the gym. The first smell that reaches you is popcorn from the next door theater. Not something you want to smell when you are trying to lose weight. The next smell that assaults you is after you hand over your membership card, receive your locker key, and enter the gym. Mildew, stinky feet, BO, and boiled eggs permeate the air. Followed by what can only be described as the "bog of eternal stench" in the locker room.

The odor is not the only thing to accost your senses. Your eyes are in for a treat. Ladies wandering around eating and gossiping in the buff, who haven't seen a razor...ever. Hair dryers are used to dry more than just the hair on your head. Legs are lifted onto stools and every follicle is dried to perfection. Hannibal Lector style masks are worn while relaxing on lawn chairs in the spa area which also boasts some of the fiercest grout mold I have ever seen. Despite the attentive ayis sweeping the floor, body hair curly and straight carpets the floor.

Frantically I leap across unknown refuse and scurry around the chaos of screaming women on their cells phones in hopes of making it to my locker alive. As I pass by the open trash cans I see what looks like a feminine hygiene autopsy, thankful I didn't arrive in the locker room when it was happening in plain view. My locker had something wet inside so I hung everything on the bent metal coat hanger holding on for dear life to a hook threatening to give way at any moment. I made a swift escape to the door and out to the main cardio section of the gym.

The gym was a toasty 85 degrees Fahrenheit as I ascended the step to a rather rickety looking treadmill. The machine squealed in pain as I pressed the quick start button and belt began to move. I ran listening to the pounding music and Chinese instructor screeching out the steps for a nearby aerobics class.

Five minutes later and to say I was pouring sweat would be an understatement. I was drenched, I couldn't breathe, and the gyrating bodies of the belly-dancing class next to me we're starting to make me ill. The treadmill on my other side held a lady with plastic wrap strategically bound around her upper arms, legs, and midsection in hopes of making them thinner. Much to my despair, she proceeded to peel off the plastic wrap flinging sweat in all directions. And I thought my own sweat was gross.

Thankfully after 20 months my membership at Physical ended and I signed up at Will's Gym, which is also closer to my apartment futilely believing things might be better. I was terribly wrong.

Because the gym was closer, I never had a bag with me so I did not venture into the locker room. Despite being much smaller than Physical, Will's still did not attempt to use the air conditioner at all. Each time I went to the gym, I would have to ask them to turn on the air. The final and last straw occurred when they refused to turn it on because a chubby man behind me on the elliptical machine claimed to be cold. I was at my wits end and cried out in distress, "But I am extremely hot and the air used to be on when I started running. If he is cold he can put on a sweatshirt. I can't take off any more clothes or I will be naked." My pleas fell on deaf ears. I whined a little bit more and they feigned to care and turned on the fan. That was my final day at Will's.

What have I learned? Even though the gyms are just as expensive as in other countries, you do not get what you pay for. In the future I will purchase a treadmill for my home and crank the a/c. If you like the heat and can handle less then hygienic conditions, gyms in Shanghai are the place for you.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Shanghai