No, I am not trying to get a job with the Center for Disease Control or trying to list every communicable disease known to man. These were the immunizations I had to get before moving to Nairobi. There is nothing I hate more in the world than being stuck by a needle. And lucky me, I was going to get all these lovely shots in one day.
I vaguely remember having to do this before we moved to Abidjan, Côte d'Ivoire when I was in fifth grade. Obviously I had repressed the memory in order to move on with my life. We also had to take malaria pills once a week. Not so easy for me either. The generic cheaper pills my mom bought were the size of a gobstopper and had the consistency of chalk so they stuck to your throat. I hacked up several of these before my mom gave me the more expensive candy coated version. I barely survived. Fortunately Nairobi is above the elevation for malaria carrying mosquitos and my ability to swallow pills has increased somewhat over the years.
In order to save some money, I made an appointment for Djorf and me at the county health department in the ghetto of South Tucson. We arrived on time and took our seats in the waiting room. There were several other people waiting so it wasn't too bad. An old tv blared local commercials in the background as I anxiously waited to be called.
After a very long time we were called back into the room to be "counseled" about traveling to Africa and the dangers involved with getting certain immunizations. Two ladies who looked like they had never even ventured out of the state of Arizona were assigned to us. We handed them the forms we had filled out which stated that we would be traveling to Nairobi, Kenya. I knew we were in trouble when one lady asked us if we would be going to any other countries besides Nairobi and Kenya. I can't believe this lady was counseling us when she didn't know that Nairobi was a city in Kenya. I almost told her "Yes, we will also be visiting the country of Africa."
I wish I had said something that might have spared us from the grueling hour that followed where we were handed a printout describing each and every vaccination, the dangers, the side effects, which we had to read and initial. Then they proceeded to regale us with tales of rabies, cases or bubonic plague, and countless other gifts we could receive from journeying to the Third World.
I don't know who hired these people but they were obviously not professionals. They kept looking in this huge book to tell us about all the diseases. I like to call it the Lonely Planet's guide to a painful death abroad. They pointed out Kenya on a map (I am surprised they could find Kenya on a map) which was color coded to match the different diseases. One snippet of advice they gave for the prevention of contraction of rabies was to leave the area if you were being bit by fleas. Wow, how many years of research and hours of training went into coming to that conclusion?
Just when we thought it couldn't get worse, they gave us the bill. $1000 for both of us to get all the shots we needed. That's not cheap! You'd think that preventing these diseases from spreading would be more important and the costs should be affordable. I am sure the shot costs less than hospitalizing someone with yellow fever. Proactive medical treatment is for some reason deemed unimportant. Let's just wait until someone is dying from a disease because the government would prefer to spend thousands in hospitalization pills.
Finally we were ready to get the actual shots. My thoughts and fears screamed inside my head and I felt myself melt down the wall as I slowly slid into the torture chair. The nurse started unwrapping syringes. Lots of them. Were those all for me? The nurse was the most adept adult at the clinic. Bam bam bam...three shots in one arm. Bam bam bam...three shots in the other arm. I was done in 45 seconds or less. Some of them were quite painful and stung. The worst part is the mental image of the long pointy hollow needle entering my arm. I feel nauseous just thinking about it piercing my innocent skin and introducing toxins into my poor healthy body. Djorf was next and he didn't even blink. I don't don't why I get so upset about it. I even cry when my dog has to get a shot because I can't explain to him that it's for his own good and that his mommy really isn't trying to hurt him. His little cry of pain tears my heart to pieces.
Finally we were able to leave the clinic. We would have had one more shot but there was an oral version for typhoid which kept you safe longer than the shot anyway. This noxious disease was dispensed in pill form that had to be refrigerated at all times, even on the way home from the pharmacy in order to keep the nasty cultures of semi-vital typhoid fever alive inside.
Frightening to think of willingly ingesting a disease that killed children and adults with abandon on the Oregon Trail computer game. We have not really eradicated any of these diseases. Some Dr. Jekyll type is now lurking in a secret underground lab manufacturing tons of these diseases and planning his takeover of the world after releasing them into the atmosphere. Oh, wait, is that the CDC emblem I see patched on his lab-coat? I always feel safer knowing my country is at the forefront of chemical warfare. Now I can sleep soundly at night.
I am now a host of viruses and diseases: tuberculosis, hepatitis A and B, yellow fever, typhoid fever, meningitis, measles, mumps, rubella, polio, and tetanus, and I've had chicken pox. Watch out world, I have escaped and can kill on contact. I might even glow with nuclear waste. I was finally ready to go to Africa.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:Tucson and Nairobi
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