The Road Less Traveled (Part 2 of Visit Arizona)

Arizona shares about 378 miles of border with Mexico. This has resulted in a love-hate relationship that has spurred considerable controversy receiving national and international attention recently in the form of Arizona SB 1070. In case your head has been in a hole for the last few years, AZ 1070 is the "Immigration Law" which allowed officers to check the citizenship of people who were already being questioned for some other infraction. Many people were up in arms because they felt that this would result in discriminatory practices against people who "looked" like they were from another country, or to put it plainly, they had brown skin. Yes, there are probably a few jerk-head cops out there who take advantage of their position as an authority figure. How can we solve this problem? Make the citizenship question mandatory like the Miranda Rights for everyone...then we are all on the same level again and equally annoyed.

A related issue is the conditions "undocumented people" are subjected to in order to come to the US? Enter the human trafficker or "coyote" whose assistance is in high demand and whose fees easily run into the thousands per person. Oftentimes in order to evade capture and arrest by border patrol agents, these coyotes abandon their charges to wander the desert where they die of dehydration. The remains of 200 immigrants were found in the desert in 2011. The border patrol sets up water stations throughout the desert to help these people from dying of thirst. Of course, they are then captured and returned to their home country.

Drug smuggling plagues the state and has become almost unmanageable. Higher crime rate as well as more violent crimes have increased dramatically. Thousands of pounds of marijuana, hundreds of kilos of cocaine, and loads of the more recently manufactured methamphetamine flood the border cities where they are then driven to states across the US. Millions of dollars are spent patrolling the borders and incarcerating dealers and users alike. Many people blame Mexico for the influx of drugs but in all reality, if the demand for drugs didn't exist, neither would the supply.

Americas's drug problems seem minor compared to the terrors innocent citizens of Mexico witness on a day-to-day basis in larger border towns. Massive gang wars have broken out making historically promising places to work and conduct business, abandoned ghost towns. The news regularly reports shootings, mutilations, kidnappings, and assassinations in what used to be bustling border towns. Mexican citizens have deserted their businesses and homes in order to escape the violence. (Rest assured, Puerto Peñasco is no where near a major border town and although you may see soldiers in trucks with guns, they are there to keep us safe. My mom and I felt perfectly at ease the entire time we were in Mexico. So did the other hundreds of Americans strolling the streets in the old port area and frequenting the multitude of delicious restaurants and relaxing resorts.)

On the other hand, immigration has made us the powerful country we are today and I hope we will continue to be. Illegal aliens cross our borders every day and work jobs that no other Americans want. We have become to hoighty toighty to do menial labor. Many prefer to never work again and live off welfare for the rest of their lives. School is too hard for some and to those who want to learn it is too dangerous.

The largest school district in Tucson, TUSD (Tucson Unified School District) is a disgrace whose top heavy administration sucks the life from its teachers, students, and funds, redirecting any cash directly into their pockets in the forms of $90K salaries to a head of a department that no longer exists and the hiring of a specialist who can bypass the Board whenever he pleases. More than 30 students are stuffed into classrooms with disrespected, mistreated and underpaid teachers. Why do you think I escaped public education and decided to teach abroad?! The community is in an uproar demanding a complete overhaul of the district or begging to be annexed by Maricopa county in hopes the state or federal government will take notice that we are 50th in the state rankings with the lowest test scores.

I digress...I love politics but I find the issues so frustrating and people so selfish that I angrily cry out as a child would, "Why can't we all just get along?" But I know that humans are by nature greedy and lazy way to often. Instead of prattling on about topics which might cause my future in-laws to question Djorf's sanity for marrying me, I will move on to our trip.

Why, Why, Why, WHY!!!
Why do you ask?
Why is this place here?
Why did people ever come here?
Why are we in Why, Arizona?
Yes, the town is called Why. A befitting name with a convenience store: Why Not Travel Store offering free why-fi.
So you might ask yourself, why are we in Why. Well, Why is where you turn left towards Lukeville to get to Mexico. Do not accidentally turn right towards Ajo. Also, for the return trip there are no signs in Why telling you which direction to go to get back to Tucson. So when you drive back through Why to get home, you must turn right. Do not go to Ajo if you want to go to Tucson.
Why?

My mom and I stopped along the roadside to go to the bathroom. As soon as we exited the vehicle we aged 10 years as all moisture was sucked from our skin. We immediately slathered on oil free lotion, knowing that anything with oil might cause us to fry. People have been known to fry an egg on the sidewalk in Arizona.

We longingly searched for clouds in the sky which might promise rain. Monsoons should be coming soon. Along with the much needed moisture come an assortment of creatures like rattlesnakes, tarantulas, and gila monsters. Just after a thundering storm, you can hear the rattles of a million snakes out to enjoy the water. Tarantulas, gargantuan hairy black spiders, cruise across the roads en masse. Gila (pronounced like heela) monsters, 18-inch long black-spotted orange lizards, lounge about on large stones daring every passerby to mess with them. People and animals in-the-know would never touch these prehistoric looking monsters because they bite! Gilas latch on and never let go. Anyone arriving to the wedding with a gila monster clamped to his or her leg will no be permitted to enter. Desert animals can be gorgeous to look at but only from a safe distance or from inside the car.

An interesting fact about Arizona: the majority of deaths at the Grand Canyon are white males who feel it is necessary to teeter dangerously close to the edge of the canyon in order to pee off the side. Oddly enough, they fall in on a regular basis. Men beware.

You now enter Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument. An organ pipe cactus resembles the pipes of an organ. They also look like skinny versions of saguaro cacti all growing up from the same base area with no arms. Most of the organ pipe cacti can be found along dirt roads which require visitors to leave the main highway. In the past this was a popular tourist attraction for botanists and bird watchers. Sadly, not long ago, the park ranger was murdered by "coyotes," the human trafficking type, and now visitors travel here with an armed guard.

The second border checkpoint is shortly after leaving Why. Watch out for sheriffs hiding behind AZ flora to catch speeders.

Camp sites are advertised...Space Available! Surprise surprise! Hold tight to your steering wheel: dust devils and rogue tumbleweeds abound. Which brings to mind a childhood experience I have repressed but now rears its ugly head. Returning from a trip to Puerto Penasco with my family when I was a wee girl, our mom made my sister an I collect tumbleweeds and stack them in the back seat of the car. Dreaming of a desert Christmas, she planned to spray paint them white, sprinkle them with glitter, and hang ornaments on them. But already dangling near the center of one weed, was a black widow! With a screech of terror from the back seat, the car squealed to a stop and the widow nest was kicked out. Never a dull moment in the desert.

Up ahead the town of Lukeville waits on this side of the border and its Mexican counterpart Sonoyta. We were stopped on the US side and questioned about where we were going and where we were from. Then we continued to the Frontera (border in Spanish) where a green light means keep driving and a red light means stop to the left so the Mexican border patrol can ask you questions and maybe search your car. They are mostly just checking if you have firearms or ammunition, neither of which can be brought into Mexico.

The speed limit is in kilometers per hour not miles per hour. Hopefully your car's speedometer has both. Otherwise 40 km is about 28 mph and 20 km is about 15 mph. There was construction when we were there last so you might need to follow detour signs. Follow the major flow of traffic because most people are also just traveling through. Many blue signs with Puerto Penasco or Rocky Point in white letters direct you to our beach destination.

This very desolate part of Mexico, sand dunes and rocks with maybe a shrub or two used to be a volcanic zone. There are lava fields and cave you can visit in the Biosfera de Pinocate recommended during a cooler time of the year.

Some road signs you might see along the way translate as follows:
No rebase - no passing
Area de descanso - rest area
Zona volcanica - volcanic zone
No arroje basura - no littering
Cinturon obligatorio - must wear seatbelts
Curva peligrosa - dangerous curve
(picture of a goat) - goat crossing
(octagonal sign at varying levels and shades of red to grey, might say alto) - stop sign

If you are caught speeding or running one of the many elusive stop signs, do not try to bribe or pay off the police. Mexico is attempting to cut back on corruption. Politely request to go to a police station to pay the fine. Americans are targeted for breaking laws in Mexico because they can afford to pay the fines.

Finally we are nearing the end of our journey. Puerto Penasco at last. A busy beach town, popular with spring breakers and families alike, welcomes visitors with open arms. The people are friendly, many speak English, and the American dollar is accepted along with the peso. Countless signs will direct you to Las Conchas where my wedding will take place. Remember to have fun, eat, drink, and smile. You are in Mexico and it is beautiful.

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Visit Arizona (the part where no one else goes)

While traveling the four-hour, 260 mile long desolate road from Tucson to Puerto Peñasco (otherwise known as Rocky Point), my mother and I decided to write a short tourism guide for family that would be taking this adventurous route. Thus the road to bliss and relaxation can be rocky at times.

We were on our way to Puerto Peñasco to finalize arrangements for my wedding in July, so we packed up the car with tons of water, a small suitcase each, and Loki, the Pomeranian ring-bearer. With a full tank of gas, passports and wedding paperwork in hand, we set off.

The epic journey begins on Interstate Highway 10 traveling east and then turning onto the Interstate 19 towards Nogales. Shortly thereafter, you exit west on the Old Ajo Highway 86.

The unique beauty of the Sonoran Desert surrounds you. The Catalina mountains rise up towering and blue to the east as you pass by the Tucson Mountains which surround the city to the west. Native plants abound, immediately eliminating the common belief that deserts are only sand dunes.

And with one swift glance to the left, the spell is broken by the town of Three Points where Neo-Nazis and meth labs lurk, threatening arsenals of militaristic grandeur and apocalyptic explosions. Three Points also boasts the Arizona Minutemen or vigilantes who take it upon themselves to patrol our borders, keeping us safe from exhausted, dehydrated immigrant men, women, and children who have just traveled hundreds of miles in search of a better life. How manly the Minutemen must feel hunting down these ferocious "enemies" of the state.

In the distance you see the first of two border patrol checkpoints around mile marker 145 before you get to the AZ/Mexico Border. Make sure you slow down exactly to the posted speed limit, because sheriffs can be hiding on either side patiently waiting to pull over any speed racers. Normally the officers will just wave you through while venturing south but be prepared to stop and answer questions about your travels and citizenship on the return trip.

Without any notice except an old sign we entered the nation of the Tohono O'Odam native Americans. The reservation is not considered part of the regular United States so unless you are a member of the tribe, you cannot get off the highway and drive down side streets or meander too far without permission. The land may look barren and the houses ramshackle but make no mistake, the tribe distributes large sums of money from the revenues of four massive casinos near Tucson to anyone who can prove they have one quarter native blood through the female line. Aspiring students receive full scholarships to college. Even when the economy suffers throughout the state, people are still drawn to the casinos for that almost Las Vegas style destination vacation.

If you notice a large white dome at the top of the Quinlan Mountains off to your left, rest assured, it is not an alien spaceship or government test site. You are looking at Kitt Peak Observatory which houses 22 optical telescopes and two radio telescopes, is internationally recognized, and has made several famous galactic discoveries like how spiral galaxy rotation curves provided the first indications of dark matter. Kitt Peak is open for visits by tourists and school groups (try to plan your trip when field trips are certain not to be there) and for the star gazing enthusiasts out there, special overnight stays can be arranged.

The first town large enough to place on the map is Sells. There is not much to say about Sells except that there is a Circle K in case you need gas or a drink. Moving on...

The first thing that stands out to most visitors to the state is the lush green landscape complete with trickling streams and abundant wildlife. Just kidding. Realistically they experience unbearable, searing, suffocating, open-the-oven-door, devoid of any moisture heat. Temperatures in the summer months soar over 110 degrees Fahrenheit only simmering down to the 90's at night. But the air is clean, the skies are always blue, and we have 360 days of sun. The other nine months of the year are warm and wonderful making Tucson and Phoenix top spots for "snowbirds" which are our winter residents and personas mayores (retired folks).

Arizona's iconic Saguaro cactus speckles the land on both sides of the road measuring between 40-60 feet tall, weighing between 3200-4800 pounds. They are a very slow growing cactus. A 10 year old plant might only be 1.5 inches tall. Another desert plant is the jumping cholla which appears like some sort of fuzzy, gentle plant having a number of small fuzzy branches resembling the arms of a teddy bear. But don't cuddle this prickly bear which seems to leap off and attach itself to you with silvery spines. These thorns must be combed off your skin and never seem to go away. The Arizona state tree is the mesquite, described as lime greenish brown and thorny, that sheds bean pods and grows in groves along the roadside. In the past, and now for the tourism industry, Native Americans grind the seeds into flour.

Items not native to the Sonoran Desert are the excessive amount of beer bottles strewn on both sides of the road. Unfortunately, you will also see the crosses and flowers memorializing someone who died in a car accident most likely caused by drinking and driving. Arizona has some of the strictest drunk driving laws but countless people have still lost their lives.

Highway 86 stretches out in front of you as far as the eye can see. Every now and then, a yellow sign appears warning you of Dips. Dips are brief downward slopes followed by upward ones. Not something normally needing a sign. Arizonan dips are special because during the monsoon season, these brief downward slopes become homes to the notorious flash floods, gushing walls of water that spring up without a moment's notice. Despite signs proclaiming Do Not Enter When Flooded, people and cars are swept away each year. Rescue workers can be seen on the news bravely saving a man marooned on the roof of his car amidst the white water rapids he foolishly thought his monster truck could handle. Arizona has in fact implemented the Stupid Motorist Law that states, "Any motorist who becomes stranded after driving around barricades to enter a flooded stretch of roadway may be charged for his or her rescue. The costs can be billed up to a maximum of $2000 for purposefully and foolishly placing others in danger.

You will also cross what appears to be bridges over dry rivers. Eons ago, these rivers may have had water in them, but now they only fill when it rains. Our friends from Minnesota couldn't believe their eyes and took photos of the dry river bridges to laugh about when they showed their friends back home. Monsoon rains are nothing to scoff at. In 1982, in what is referred to as the 100 year flood, an entire building was sucked into the Rillito River and the power line poles were dragged down into the Santa Cruz River while the raging waters swept over the tops of bridges. When we have them, we take our rivers very seriously.

After a long time on the straight road you will pass the town of Quijotoa and at mile marker 110....A CURVE! In your comatose state from driving in a perfectly straight line for so long don't forget to slow down so you don't go careening off the edge of the road. Do not stop or seek assistance from the nearby Deliverance-style houses; there is a cemetery for those who do. Don't despair, the speed limit increases after a while, assuming you have become accustomed to the curves and small hills.




Right about this time, many adventurers become bored and begin counting border patrol vehicles. These are white with a green stripe going down the side and come usually in the form of trucks or vans. We counted 19 total vehicles NOT including the ones at the check points.

Stay tuned for Part 2.

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